grad student perspectives

Prospectives, originally uploaded by jawsmurphy.

today i had a chance to talk with some more prospective grad students. and it's crazy. not only looking at them and thinking that i was in that situation a year ago. but just seeing how far i've come. and thinking about how much their lives are going to change in a few short months.

first of all, they are going to have their confidence shaken. i don't care if they came from cal tech and already have a masters. chances are, they are going to feel like an idiot at some point. we all do. and it's hard going from being the top of your school to merely a mediocre student. (or somewhere near the top...either way). and even if you were the top or somewhere close, everyone seems to adjust and progress through grad school in their own way. i've managed to figure out the best way for me to get through classes. and it's been working for me so far. though it did take awhile for me to get the true hang of it. now i just have to tackle starting up research this quarter...

another thing i think about when talking with grad students is how they still have some pretty important decisions to make. i remember thinking that picking a school was tough. picking and advisor is even harder. it's like choosing who you want to have a relationship with for the next 4-5 years of your life, for better or worse. and these are (probably) the most crucial years of your life. career-wise, anyways. kinda puts the pressure on.

they're also gonna have to figure out what type of research interests them. that's the point i'm at. i've picked the right school for me, and i picked the right boss for me. now i have to figure out the research project that will fit me best. i have a couple different ones to start on to get me going, but the whole point of this crazy experience is for me to learn to be an independent researcher. which is a frightening thought, because at this point, i feel no where near being able to accomplish that. though i was also scared out of my mind for classes and cumes, and i've been handling those fairly well. so hopefully my research will progress much the same way.

i can't believe i'm almost done with my first year. most people agree that it's the hardest. sure, every year and every step of the way i know i'm gonna encounter challenges and obstacles i'll have to overcome. but this first year is and has been a rough one. i feel as though i've been completely broken down. i've learned to accept that i'm not a perfect chemist, and that i don't know everything. and perhaps most importantly, that i'm really not *expected* to know everything. rather, i'm being taught what's out there and what is possible. and i'm being shown the references to go to when i want to learn more about something. and i think that accepting that has made the difference for me in classes and cumes. kind of like doing my best and letting the cards fall where they may. so far, things have been in my favor.

now i have to start the next hurdle: research. past that, it's (semi) smooth sailing thru my first year report, second year seminar, and my oral. which of course will rock me. but then that's it. past that, i'll be done with two years, and have only research ahead of me. that, and writing up my thesis, of course. but one of the nice things about ucla is that i don't have to do a defense of my thesis. they stop making us jump through hoops after our second year. at that point, we have either proven ourselves enough to move on and get our degree, or it's time for us to get out and settle for a masters. brutal, i know. but at least we get the nervewracking parts out of the way somewhat early. (and the good news is that after this quarter is over, i'll be able to leave with a masters at any point because i will have earned it)


k i'm getting lost in the grad school ramblings. (it is almost 2 am, after all) but one of the points i wanted to make was that it's very odd for me to be in charge of talking to these prospective grad students who have all of this ahead of them. it's a rocky ride getting to the point i'm at, and i still have quite a ways to go. part of me wants to tell them to run for their lives while they still can. another part of me wants to laugh at their innocence. but mostly, i know that this is something that they are going to do, because they won't be satisfied as just a bachelor's chemist, and i know that no matter what i try to tell them about how the first year truly is, it's something that everyone has to experience for themselves to fully understand just how insanely crazy and rewarding it can be. so in a way, the questions asked in the comic above are absolutely based in truth, and are actually quite good things for them to think about. though, most of the prospectives don't know that yet, and wouldn't believe me if i told them.......

Posted by *erin* | 1:53 AM